Mindless Drivel

my ’scope this week is just too amusing not to even mention it.  go read it for yourself, think of me, and then laugh.

now back to our irregularly scheduled programing…

Haven’t written here in a while.  I’ve found that when I get into a good book, I become much less profound. (If you can call any of these words profound.)  I’m not sure if that is good or bad.     9-8-95

I’ve seen the perfection of beauty.     9-8-95

I will not take work home with me in any form.  Actual work, thoughts, stress…  I Refuse!  Ok, why am I writing about this then?    9-11-95

Could things actually be turning around?  Could I possibly see my freedom right in front of me?  I have to remember not to count my chickens (oh, how appropriate).                9-11-95

the following entry is a sidebar note i made about the previous entry.

Huh?  What was I thinking here?  I don’t even remember what I was writing about.                      11-27-95

This is actually a pretty cool place.  I noticed that I had been focusing on all of the ‘ bad’ aspects of my new town, but I’m starting to notice a few things that I really like.  Example - Yesterday, I rode my new bike down to the Washington Monument and watched Fugazi play in front of a crowd of about 2000 people.  They are really incredible musicians, but I think that it is only a side project for them.  They actually care about this city.  They have dedicated themselves to making DC a better place.  You can see it in how they play.  They weren’t getting paid for this benefit, but they played harder than I’ve ever seen.  These are truly special people.       9-17-95

thanks for reading.

-b

ok, until things settle just a little, this channel will only be broadcasting reruns from the dc era.  but of course to some, this might be just as amusing…

This little random column isn’t really turning out to be what I hoped it would be.  I wanted a way to share some of my daily random ideas with others by simply copying a couple pages of this and sending it with my letters.  Instead it sounds more like a "bitch book."  Some bitching is ok, but a lot probably makes it sound like I hate everyone and everything (which I do), or it makes me just sound like a whiner, (which I am).  Ok, from now on I’ll be more pleasant.  "Think happy thoughts."                8-30-95

Let’s start it off with something I like.  I like it when someone completely random says, "Bless you," when you sneeze.  This person doesn’t know who the hell you are, but they wish you good will.  I like that.  (by the way, it just happened.)                8-30-95

I love the sun.  I love to feel it warming my skin to the point where I start to burn.  I love how it lights up everything we see.  I love it.  So why am I sitting here, writing this in the shade?             9-3-95

more later…

-b

back to the ’scope.

  "When America invaded Iraq in 2003, the leaders of France objected.  Conservative U.S. Congressman Walter Jones got so enraged by their resistance that he led a campaign to purge the word "French" from common usage.  French fries would become ‘freedom’ fries,’ he proposed; French toast would be ‘freedom toast.’  Two years later, though, Jones has become an opponent of the Iraq attack.  America initiated hostilities ‘ with no justification,’ he told a North Carolina newspaper; he regrets having launched the name-change crusade.  I nominate Walter Jones to be your role model in the coming week, Aquarius.  It’s high time to disavow one of your old positions, reverse a discredited opinion, or officially change your mind about an issue you got wrong."

ok, thats bullshit. first of all, we all know that im never wrong, and secondly its painfully clear (to myself and everyone around me) that it takes me soo long to act on anything, that by the time that i do, i am absolutely confident and secure in my actions.  i stand behind all of my opinions and actions 100%, and will never back down from them, so dont bother challenging me.

actually, i really prefer the "daily horoscope" that friendster has provided for me today.

"Viva la difference, as the French say — you’re different and you wouldn’t have it any other way.  It’s your spirit of independence and your inspiring way of thinking that’s getting you noticed now,  and you’re loving it."

there must be something to this astrology thing if both of the ’scopes refer to the French.  this one is much more up my alley, because it describes me perfectly, especially today.

-b

ps.  for those of you who may be sarcastically-challenged and now think im a complete asshole, let me enlighten you - this is my most sarcastic post yet, but i am at the very least, partially an asshole.

i hate our society for the ideals that it teaches us to believe in and value.  but what i despise even more is that im a fucking product that society.  no matter how much garbage spouts from my mouth about valuing everything and everyone equally, its just a crock of shit when thats not how i act.  fucking hypocrite, thats what i am, and i need to have it thrown in my face every couple of years just so that i can remember it and confront it once again. 

im sure that the two of you who are reading this nonsense are the same, really.  anyone who has tolerated reading more than one of my posts, comes back because they share similar values, but unfortunately, you too are a product of this same fucked up thing that our forefathers have created.

how are parents able to stand up to the monstrous teachings they are up against on the tube, in advertisements, and that come from other people?  how do you teach your child the important values of life while everything they hear and see elsewhere is subliminally telling them something different.  i dont think its possible to win that war, but the only thing that you can do is try to make them consciously aware of it so that at some point in their life they are at least aware of how they are living their life.

by the way, influenced by advice ive opted not to edit my previous post, "Girl," (other than a few spell checks and punctuation changes).  i think its a pretty good one, a little disjointed, but it gets a mood accross, although its not necessarily the one i was in at the time.

-b 

the first time this kind of thing happened to me i was hiking/climbing alone in the backcountry of Sequoia Natl Park, i fell about 10 feet, dislocated my shoulder and sprained my ankle.  i was high on an exposed ridgeline about a mile, as the crow flies, from the nearest trail, and absolutely no one knew that i was there.  somehow, i hobbled down to the trail i was ultimately trying to find (only after scrambling to the top of the peak that i was originally trying to get to) and made it the 7 miles back down to my camp.  in the process i got absolutely pelted and soaked by a huge sierra thunderstorm - rain, hail, lightning, thunder, you name it.  i learned a lot of lessons from that day - the most important being dont let a series of small, but poor decisions get you into trouble.  funny how it happened again, just under different circumstances.  but what my real point here is, that when i look back on that day, it makes me laugh.  i mean, really laugh.  there isnt anything else that i can think of that has ever been a guaranteed smile for me, but this is one.  i was almost marmot/pika food.  what could be funnier than that?

on saturday a couple hours after the swim and on sunday during my drive home, i realized that this weekend had become the same thing.  i was laughing at it (and me). 

im not laughing now, and that bothers me a bit.  actually, since yesterday i havent found it in the least bit humorous.

yesterday was a day of reconsidering things.  everything really.  what is it that i have accomplished?  what is it that i want to?  what more is there for me?  is this it?  what are my priorities?  i thought i had recently established them fairly well, but now, im doubting that again.  i think the worst part is that despite all the questions and all the thinking, all i did was come up with more and more uncertainties - not questions even, just uncertainties, and certainly not a single answer.

couldnt fall asleep for hours last night cause i felt like i really havent left ’square one’ yet.  so, i went all the way back to the basics…ive got a job, ive got a place to live, and ive got some really great friends…im well past ’square one,’ lets just say im somewhere around ’square three.’

on a much lighter note, matson jones, is going to be traveling through california briefly.  they will be in sf for two nights and in la for two nights.  unfortunately, im going to just miss them in la, so you will have to go out to see them without me.  but whatever you do, make a point of it.  here are the dates and locations:

7/07 SALT LAKE CITY, UT @ MO’S

7/08 San Francisco, CA @ THE PARKSIDE

7/09 San Francisco, CA @ HEMLOCK TAVERN

7/11 Los Angeles, CA @ SPACELAND (BELLRAYS RESIDENCY NIGHT - Free)

7/12 Los Angeles, CA @ SEA LEVEL RECORDS 7:00 PM Free Show

-b

5 ways i dont want to ‘buy the farm’

• drowning
• eaten alive by pikas and/or marmots
• bounced to death in a laundromat dryer
• electrocution (although a lightning strike might be ok, if it were instantaneous)
• in a car accident while in the back seat of a cab

fuckin lost the post because im a drunk typer.  FUCK!!!!!!!!!  will try to recreate and save as i go….

(apologies again for the drunken post.  there will be a much cleaner version at a sober time, so consider yourself, lucky (or unlucky) enough to catch this one….)

today/tonight is a drinking day.  big celebration because im still alive, but the real celebration comes through fathers day.  no, i havent gone down that route just yet, but indirectly, its fathers day so im celebrating.  you see, rob saved my ass yesterday and hes got the ebaby, so im going to celebrate today with him.

actually, he save a little more than just my ass really.  who knows what would have happened, but i was taking the beating of my life, and he gave me a few seconds to catch a couple of breaths.  first i got stuck in the hole, somehow got out and continued downstream - thats where i started to take the beating, but at least i was able to breathe, barely. 

my proudest moment is that despite the fact that i lost the paddle, i still had the boat and had enough conscious thought to turn it upright (little good did that do).  then rob got to me, and i grabbed his boat.  we went over another rock, he rolled, i lost his boat and then mine.  the good thing was i had enough air and instinct to say, ‘fuck it!!!’ and swam for shore.   as you can tell, i made it.  that was the best swimming ive ever done, dont know about the form, but ill tell you the result was nothing short of perfection.  who knows what would have happened without those breaths that rob got me.  speculate either way, but im giving him credit.  no one else was there, except the two boaters who went right over my boat while i was upside down, stuck in the hole, trying a roll.

*****important note, whoever may be reading this and knows my parents or that generation, this is to go no further!!!  it is of the upmost importance that they do not know of this!!!  i will never hear the end of it.  so, no aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc., are to know of this.*****

its 6 oclock sunday evening and im already drunk off my ass, and i dont plan on stopping.  so, whosever interested, drinks are on me tonight.  give me a call, come downtown, i dont care, cause everythings good. 

i have just about everything i want (stress on ‘just about’), at this exact moment.  a good buzz and some great really loud tunes (fuck the neighbors).

the truth is, i really may be blowing the whole thing out of proportion.  of our group, i was only one of two who swam, and he probably took the bigger beating.  apparently, he may have been in the water twice as long as me, and by the time he got to shore, he was in shock, totally non-responsive, and we almost took him to the hospital.  but heres ‘my thing’ - for the second time in my life, i had that feeling that if the situation had been just slightly different, i would be dead.  i wasnt completely in control of the situation, and if i hadnt been able to get myself out of that hole, that could have been it.  so, i will take credit for getting myself out of the hole, but i give credit to rob for giving me a better chance for getting to shore, and in the end, whether or not the other guy took more of a beating or not, i really feel like i was in trouble and could have really broken more things if not for rob.  he will say, that it was the right thing to do, and yes it was, but he still deserves all the credit.

so, here’s to rob, the ebaby, and fathers day!

"We can take the spinner ride, cause we’re wasted!!!  Wasted, ye-ah!"

-b

i hate fucking slackers.  i mean, ‘what’s the deal?’  theres this guy at work who does everything he can to avoid doing actual work.  hes a master at delegating when no delegating is necessary.  i mean, just shut the fuck up and do the work yourself!  he looks busy when he doesnt need to, but then when it comes time to actually get stuff done, he disappears.  if he thinks that we cant all tell what hes doing, then hes as stupid as we think he is.  why cant people have just a tiny bit of work ethic, even if we are just making the tops to fucking beer cans.

i hate it when the westword doesnt print the weekly ’scope.  yes, i know im whining and can just go online to get it, which i eventually do anyway to get the link, but theres something to say of my weekly experience of walking to get the paper thurs morns then going to sit in the park to read it.  i just get so disappointed, and well, frankly i dont deal with well disappointment.  dont have time to deal with going online and all right now, so you are just gonna have to wait till i get back from my weekend of kayaking and not breaking anything.

-b

my life is a big fucking Joke with a capital ‘J’ and all of you should be laughing at me when you arent laughing with me.  its amazing that this shit continues to happen to me even when i try something different to avoid it.

game?  what fuckin’ game?  there is none.  again, a fuckin joke.

6th grade, no.  its more like 7th grade since theres alcohol involved now.

-b

found the dc journal, so fucking glad.  so, this is one page of quite a few that i may begin to reprint, depending on how awful they actually sound.  the scary thing is that some of it might blend right on in with my current shit.  for anyone who has read Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing, remember that i wrote this shit before that book ever came out.  dc must have the same effect on some people because some entries read almost exactly like the book.

Did you know? — Maryland drivers think that Virginians can’t drive and vice versa.  Little do they know.  Actually, they are both right.  All the drivers out here suck.  No one knows how to make a left hand turn without a green arrow.                              8-28-95

I need to get a life.  I just spend time.  I don’t spend it doing anything particular, I just spend it.                       8-29-95

I’ve found another one of those truly good people.  You know how every once in a while you find someone who really sticks out in a ‘good’ way (whatever that means).  You know, when he (or she) talks to you he listens and really cares.  He actually listens to you.  Anyway he may be the only real reason I’m still working at Tower.  Everyone else sucks in some way (and varying degrees) or another (including me, of course).  He makes me smile and laugh on occasion (which is still rare these days).          8-29-95

Slackers suck.  This guy at work comes about 1/2 hour late, only works about 15 minutes of quality time the whole day, then tries to leave early.  Fuck you!  I wish the people around me had some kind of work ethic.                                               8-30-95

scary to think this stuff is almost ten years old.

-b

glad to get back on the water in a boat again.  also glad to say that things went far better than i expected them to.  the comfort level came right back and the things that looked tough were actually quite easy.

mean people suck.  why do some fuckers have to have their head so far up their ass that they think that everything should be done for them, and if its not they have the right to be an asshole to others.  fuck them.

fuck it.  im tired.  im going to end this now

5 reasons to go to sleep

1. too many things to do
2. bored
3. the monster under my bed
4. everything else is a waste of time
5. real life experiences just arent cutting it anymore; at least in dreams crazy things actually happen