Mindless Drivel

now dont go thinking im a complete lunatic just because i believe this story - its just a ’story,’ and its ok to believe in ’stories.’  yes, i made it up, and yes, i do refer to it all the time, but that doesnt mean im a total freak.  there are plenty of other reasons to put that tag on me, but this isnt one of them.  so here you go, the ’story’ of the men in the suits.

out there somewhere in the world, theres this room.  the room itself is fairly nondescript, nothing on the walls, flat-beige paint, one door.  the only decor of the room is a single conference table, oval shaped, with an indeterminate number of chairs.  the location of the room really is not that important, but some stories place it inside a giant black submarine that travels the oceans of the world without ever surfacing.  other stories have it buried deep inside some un-used missile silo.  ive even heard that the room is located inside a ufo that leaves earth from time to time.  but again, the location isnt important.  what is important is who occupies this room, for whether you like it or not, they have the ability to completely control your life.

this room is where the men in the suits do their work.  nobody knows who they are, or how they got their positions.  there really isnt anything special about their appearances - all of them wear dark suits, and up until just a couple of years ago, i wasnt even able to picture their faces, but now i realize that they all vaguely resemble dick cheney in one way or another. 

now, these ‘men in the suits’ dont really have a job in the typical sense that we think of the word.  yes, every day they gather at the same oval table in this nondescript room, and yes, they wear their suits every day, but they dont really accomplish anything productive, at least what you and i would consider productive.  all they do, is fuck with our lives to get a good laugh.

its quite amazing what these men can accomplish through their ‘connections.’  each one of them knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who can get it done.  anything.  no task is too large or too insignificant.  all they have to do is say the word and the stage will be set for you to be arrested on some ‘mistaken identity’ charge.  and believe me, they love doing it.  now, the men in the suits cant pay attention to everyone in the world at the same time, thats just not possible, and really, all they are looking for are a few good laughs every day, so by the law of averages they only really need to be focusing on a few million lives at a time.  so, if you think your life is going well right now, relish it.  enjoy it.  because all that means, is that the men in the suits are busy getting their laughs somewhere else right now, but sooner or later theyll get bored with their current toys, and their focus will eventually shift back to you.

but dont worry.  right now, ive got their full focus, and they are having the time of their lives.

-b

5 Great Conspiracy Theories

1. Bush was directly involved in the assassination of JFK.
2. The Roman Catholic Church was behind Lincoln’s assassination.
3. None of the Apollo missions ever actually landed on the moon.
4. The car crash that killed Princess Diana wasn’t really an accident.
5. Black Helicopters.  No, they aren’t helicopters with black "paint jobs," they’re actual individual lifeforms.

this week’s horoscope from rob brezsny at Free Will Astrology reads as such:

"I was looking for a house to rent.  A real estate manager gave me a tour of various houses that were available.  At one place the occupants weren’t home, but the manager had the key to the door and permission to enter.  As she led me around, we came upon the master bedroom.  A huge German shepherd was on the bed.  I reflexively withdrew, afraid the dog would attack the strangers in its house.  But it didn’t bark, pounce, or even growl.  On the contrary, it shivered with fear.  Its protective instincts seemed paralyzed.  I think the dog’s behavior was an apt metaphor for the current state of your own inner guardian, Aquarius–you know, the fierce part of your psyche that defends your interests.  It’s unnaturally timid and hesitant, and is thus not primed to do its job properly.  Do whatever it takes to cure it of its malaise."

clearly the men in the suits are sending me another message.  they are telling me, flat out, that they have me broken.  not only that, but they are rubbing it in my face, and after the pounding ive taken the last couple of months, im not going to deny it - true or not.  because if i do deny it, they will certainly refocus their energies on me and continue to smite me, while on the other side, if i come out and let them know its true, then they will know what works, note it, and come at me at some later point after ive recovered. 

so, for now, my official position is, "im doing ok."

-b

5 National Parks i want to hike

1. Glacier NP
2. Gates of the Arctic NP
3. Badlands NP
4. Grand Teton NP
5. Big Bend NP

good news. i finally got rid of the long splint ive been wearing for my hand and finger.  now i can keep my finger out in the air, let it get some light, and move it a little more freely.   however, ive been given a new "splint," although thats not really what im calling it.  it looks more like im wearing some high school physics experiment gone wrong.  id like to see you try typing in this.

got all these little "projects" lying around the apartment, but i just cant seem to really get through any of them.  why is it that some people can multi-task and accomplish so much, but whenever i seem to try, i either freeze up, or i run around like a crazed chicken.  either way, i dont make much progress.  focus, gotta find focus.  thats the story of my life.

-b

6 slang terms that i love

1. hella
2. fussy pants
3. chocked
4. tall puppy
5. rubber match
6. McMansions

horoscope time.  spent the last 3 days trying to figure out what the "deep, dark meaning" mr. brezsny is trying to convey to me.  still not really sure what it might be, and im stuck with the literal interpretation, which frankly, is quite disturbing.  so, my current horoscope reads as such:

"A Bengal tiger at a zoo in Burma killed one of her two-week-old cubs.  Zoo officials decided to separate her from her other two cubs.  They did so reluctantly because the Bengal tiger is an endangered species and these were the first cubs born in the zoo in 16 years.  Putting out a call for a surrogate mother, the officials were releived when a 40-year-old woman, a mother of three children, pledged to breast-feed the cubs until their teeth grew in.  Although your pressing need has arisen from very different factors, Aquarius, you , like the cubs, should be open to receiving nourishment from exotic sources in the coming weeks."

so, there it is.  not really sure were to go with it.  suggestions are welcome.  until i hear something that makes some sense, im going to continue with the idea that this is yet another pot-shot from ‘the men in the suits.’  that makes six weeks and counting.  for those who arent familiar with ‘the men in the suits,’ i will introduce you to them in a future post.  everyone has at some point had a run in with them, its just a question of whether you realized it or not. 

i gotta admit that i wasnt ever into the horoscope thing, but for the last five or six months, ive been thoroughly entertained by the weekly’s horoscope and even disapointed when they havent been printed.  still dont have the patience for the daily ones, and i hope that i dont ever go that far.  to check out your own horoscope, go to Free Will Astrology, at the very least youll get a good laugh.

-b

5 Things to do on a Rainy Day

1. watch a movie
2. watch a baseball game on tv
3. lounge about in your pj’s all day
4. catch up on bills
5. work on a mix cd

walked outside for lunch today and was immediately hit by memories of other times.  it had something to do with the strength of the sun, the cool spring breeze hitting my arms, and the fresh dry air.  im not sure if i was back in santa rosa going outside for my lunch break to read a book, or if i was back on the john muir trail looking off another pass to the next set of mountains we were going to approach, or if i was in utah hiking down a slot canyon wondering what was going to be around the next corner.  all i know, is it felt good, and i wanted to be out there.

-b

this typing thing (or not typing thing), is getting old.  i cant wait till i can use both hands again, instead of hunting and pecking with one or two fingers.  the hardest part about this right now is that my hands can’t keep up with my brain, and i keep leaving out words.  when i go back to read what ive written, it doesnt make complete sense because ive left out letters and words in an unconscious attempt to keep up with my thought.  some day soon im gonna put the Frankenfinger down on the keyboard and see if its capable of pounding out some essess, doubleyous, and exes. 

why is it that some kids are born without a soft spot on their head and then have to wear a helmet until they are four? 

anxiously awaiting my horoscope in the westword tomorrow.  will this be the sixth week in a row that the men in suits choose to mock me through the written word?  tune in tomorrow for the answer and more of an explanation.

-b

5 easy words to type one-handed

1. minimal
2. yesterday
3. interested
4. screws
5. after

so i was actually kinda chewed out by my physical therapist today for being too aggressive on trying to get the flexing motion back on the Frankenfinger.  apparently, its easier to get your flexing motion back than your extension, and thats what im really have troubles with.  if i try to straighten all of my fingers out while trying to make my hand flat, the Frankenfinger just kinda hangs there like a bent stick, and if during your rehab you only focus on the flexing motion its possible to lose the extension all together.  not really something that i want.  i guess one of the reasons i havent improved on my extension is that i kinda gave up on it and thought that it might start to get better on its own.  apparently, thats not the case.  trouble is, every time i try to move it, i just end up staring at this bent stick on my hand hoping it will do something.  my brain tells it to move and i can feel the muscles in my hand tense and even feel the tendon pulling, but the Frankenfinger does little more than twitch.  but, apparently the twitch is a good sign.  right.

scary dreams last night.  first time in a while that i can say that.  one was of work.  i was at the plant running the entire place by myself, but somehow (you know how dreams work) it was actually running.  the scary part was that there was no sound, it was like the entire world was on mute.  this is especially disturbing because when it comes to decibel level, the production floor rivals the first time i saw rage against the machine, live in ‘90. 

two highlights of yesterday’s rockies game.  got to see todd helton absolutely crush a ball to deep right field during the ninth inning.  Of course this was after the rockies’ byung-hyun kim gave up the losing runs on a grand slam.   yes, the rockies have sunk to new lows.  gonna be another long season for rockies fans here in denver.  fine to me.  more empty seats to jump up to.

-b

8 Reasons to say spring is finally here

• first 80 degree day
• the trees either have blossoms, leaf buds, or full leaves
• first ballgame hotdog of the season
• butterflies!  All of a sudden they were everywhere today, after not having seen them for 3 months
• sun doesn’t set till after 730p
• robins are out in full force
• i actually had the urge to go blow the seeds off a dandelion today
• groundhogs have that look in their eye

stitches finally came out of the Frankenfinger a few days ago.  let the healing continue.  picture is of pre-stitch removal.     

gotta say im getting a little frustrated with the physical therapy.  making progress with flexing the finger, but extending it just isnt happening.  right now it feels like a hunk of wood sticking off my hand.  for all i know the Frankenfinger could be under control of an alien orbiting the planet right now - thats how much control i have over it.  i guess its better than having only four fingers.  i guess.

wont be putting a ring on that finger anytime soon, and im not referring to the swelling.

back to the "temp" work.  just when i thought i was done with that crap, i go and break my finger and get put on "light duty" at work.  if i dont ever operate another copy machine in my life it will be too soon. 

-b

5 Things Im Looking Forward to Right Now

• "dj night" with Robert and Denice
• first game at Coors Field this season
• getting back in the creek and successfully making my first eskimo roll
• next season’s snow
• having a good reason to rename the Frankenfinger

5 things that really bug me

• writing a post and having it deleted because your browser glitches
• the kind of headache you get from clenching your jaw all day
• drivers that dont yield for pedestrians
• Old Navy commercials
• fixing printers

taxes.  i hate doing them.  the last two years i finally broke down and had the computer do them for me, but they still dont seem quite as easy as they should be.

this being the day after my "snowed-in day", the last thing i wanted to do was sit in front of my computer while the sun was out, turning the ground into a slushy mess, but i just knew that if i didnt bear down and finish them now, i was sure to come up with another excuse tomorrow, and then i’d do the same the next day, and, well, you know how it goes.

one good thing that came out of today, is that i actually finished them, despite my best efforts to distract myself.  web surfing, stereo, im’ing, nothing could tear me away long enough to break the momentum i had built up.  thats ok, it just makes this scotch taste that much better.

one last note, if you’ve gotta sec check out this band from minnesota, Story of the Sea.  listen to the first song they have listed, "bubble gum."  you’ll be hooked for life.  thanks to matt for turning me on to them.

-b

Albums I Listen to While Doing My Taxes Each Year

• Scenic - Acquatica
• Pell Mell - Interstate
• Heat - Motion Picture Soundtrack